Better Days Are Made By Repetition

I hadn't ridden in a week or so.  The last time I got on, even though I had planned for an early afternoon ride to stave off my mare's need to constantly be on feeding alert, the bugs were horrible, she was cranky, and my ankle was not thanking me for getting in the saddle. But any time I work with my mare whether I am going to ride her or just groom her I always involve loading in to the trailer.  When I groom her she gets tied to the trailer, when I get ready to ride, she gets groomed, loaded, unloaded, tacked, ridden, untacked, groomed, loaded and unloaded again.

Several times now instead the 3 to 5 minute staring, and tension on the lead line contest my mare has reverted to her previous trailer loading skill and walks right on behind me no fuss, no staring, no pulling. We have not yet progressed to closing the door, or the dividers.  I wanted to work on leaving the dividers open, but closing the door.  But any time anyone goes near the back of the trailer while she is in it she unloads herself. Of course I make her get right back in. I only let her be done with the loading training if I ask her to get off. I want her to get out of that mindset that she can unload herself without me asking and that A. it's okay for her to do that, and B. that at that point she's done and can go back to her horsey business.

Yesterday even though there was a breeze(breeze= hyper alertness=spooking) and I was extremely tired, I wanted to ride.  I had been in a funk for two days due to some work related/life related stuff and I needed to ride. I needed something good to lift me and give me something else to focus on. So I went through the routine, groom, load, unload, tack. 

The ride was actually really good.  She did give me the warning signs a couple of times that she wanted to spook.  Usually she's pretty obvious if she's thinking about it.  But we did transitions and circles working on bending, getting back in to a frame, and working on fitness for both of us.  Neither of us had done much physical activity in almost six months. Though the High Queen had still be able to move around her pastures, tormenting her brother as she went, I had not, and she has some considerable bulk to loose before we can do any serious training.

I also threw in at the end of the ride, checking to make sure el husband was not watching from the garage, a hop over one of the small logs in my main pasture/riding area. This actually was the same log that had landed me in to my broken-leggedness. Evil log, I shall jump thee and call myself the victor.  Seneca hopped over without a single second of hesitation. Yippee!

And the best part of the ride?  My ankle only protested a very little bit. It was down right comfortable. Though I did let my right stirrup down a lot during the previous ride so the angle, and percussion on my injury weren't so bad. I'm supposed to be starting physical therapy, though I just haven't gotten around to making the phone calls for it.

After the ride I untacked, gave treats, groomed and then began the loading and unloading again.  Over the last few sessions I had began trying to get Seneca to move past me in the trailer as a precursor to trying to get her to tie without pulling back in the trailer, so that eventually I could get behind her and shut the divider. So far I haven't been successful in getting behind her. I can stand at her side back by her huge belly, rub her, leave the lead line loose, but not leave her. If I try to leave she unloads herself.

I did start trying to get her used to the divider touching her.  She was not happy the first time I used to the divider to push on her. She unloaded herself.  The second time she stood with me having the divider touching her. So progress was made.

I really want to start trailering her out to places later this fall and in to the winter. I want to be fit by spring, I want to get to a horse trial, I want to be doing Beginner Novice by next fall.  I would love to be doing a recognized BN by the end of next fall but I don't know if that is too optimistic or not. I guess we'll see.

All in all just being able to ride put me in a much happier frame of mind, which bled over in to being slightly happier at work. I still hate my job, I still hate getting up early, throwing on the uniform, and not being in total control of my life.  I really hate being forced due to economy and that fact that I am not giving up my farm or my horses to sign away my life again for another six years, which will put me at seventeen years, and make it completely idiotic to get out when I would only have three more years until my full twenty where I can get my retirement checks every month.

*sigh* The things I do for my horses. Anyway, keep it between the flags my friends.

Herald in the Fall

I put the turn-out sheets on the horses for the first time since taking them off last spring. I must have taken them off some time last April but I honestly don't remember. Everything before breaking my leg in May is such a blur that I didn't even realize I had turn-out sheets left.

The Spotted Beast is notoriously bad about maintaining his clothing in one piece. Like a young child he'd rather have fun and tear all his clothing to shreds then behave as the High Queen does.  So I believed until a couple of weeks ago that I needed to purchase blankets to replace what Cowboy had destroyed.  I was even combing the net for the best deals. I scanned through all the tack sites, kept an eye on Tack of the Day, and browsed eBay.

Then I needed something out of the hay shed, and an old muck bucket that I had passed by a dozen times to get hay caught my eye and I found the sheets that I must have put away last spring. Well that's one thing off my mind.

So while feeding my four foots tonight, its always easier to blanket while they are eating, I slipped the blankets on. It felt bitter sweet. My whole summer had been spent not walking, then relearning, I'm still struggling. How could something that happened so quick take so long to heal? My leg will never be the same, so sayeth my surgeon.  I will always have hardware in my leg(I sort of wonder if I will make the metal detectors at the airport go off), and I don't know if I will be able to ride again the way I used to.

Will I be able to handle the strain of jumping? Will I have to give up eventing in favor of straight dressage?  Will I ever be able to fly over the cross country course again? Right now I don't know, and it hurts to not know.

Riding right now is not comfortable, I had to let my right stirrup(the injured side) out another to holes to make it possible for me to even think about staying the saddle without crying.  I had planned to trailer out(now that I can get the Queen in to the trailer) to lessons, and indoor arena's this winter so we both could be fit by spring, but if I can get my leg to tolerate it I don't know where I will be by spring with my riding.

Then there are other things invading my mind that make everything else blurry.  Bills for one, they never end.  And my Dad. He's not doing well.  After the second surgery the results came back, and then it got even worse. At first they were just going to take his bladder but now its that and chemotherapy, and a bone scan to see if the cancer has spread.

It feels hard, and dark and too much like I should be shopping for  a black dress that I don't own. I am the world's best pessimist.  Usually my way of dealing is to ignore things until the bad thing goes away. It usually works, but I can't ignore this, I can't hide from it. My dad might be dying and I can't do anything about it.

This year has truly sucked. Let's hope next year will be better.

Keep it between the flags everybody because it's too crazy outside of them.

Hiding It and Moving Forward

Lots more things to blog about since the last post. Lets do the bad first, just like lessons, or training you always want to end on a good note.

My dad had his second surgery not too long ago and everything looked okay. And then the results came back a week later. Not so good. The cancer just won't stop taking things. Now my dad has to have his entire bladder removed. Will this finally help him be pain and cancer free?  I am a bit of a pessemist, so I'm betting not. Because the doctors already told us twice that he was good to go, only to come back a week or two later and have them sign him up for another surgery.

So we shall see what we shall see.  My own health? Not too shabby these days.  On the weekends, and afternoons when I'm not working I am crutch AND cast free. After I get my official piece of paper from the doc that says "No you cannot due the mandatory physical fitness test this fall"  I will probably start trying to go to work without the boot, but we'll see. My leg has actually started protesting going back in to the boot. It feels like when you wear a ski boot for too long.

And as I carefully look over my shoulder to make sure my co-workers are not shoulder surfing my blog typing, I will say I have finally started getting back on my horse.  I've ridden her twice so far. Not for very long, only about ten minutes, but it is soooo great to be back in the saddle.  Riding isn't too comfortable yet, that would be asking for the cake AND the ice cream, but I can do it with tolerable pain.

Our new puppy Midnight Hill's Agate Beach aka Baker Street Back in Black(he came to us already registered and I don't know if I want to or can change his registered name)  Anyway he is just HUGE!  Three times the size of Jasper at the same age. He is a voracious eater, player, digger, but unlike Jasper, Agate has an off button.  Jasper also liked to be completely under my feet constantly.  Agate will sometimes take a nap in the kitchen by himself.  So he's got more indepence than Jasper, and Agate is not afraid of the horses at all.  There is one section of front yard fence that borders a side pasture. If the horses are anywhere near it, Agate hangs out by the fence hoping for a friendly visit.

But what's up next for Midnight Hill Eventing? Hmmm, training and getting back to fitness over the rest of the fall and winter.  If I can make the High Queen happy about being in the trailer so that I can load and unload her by myself I can start trailering to an indoor during the bad weather, and down to a couple of other arena's in the good weather.  There is an eventing trainer up about two hours from me that I have been eyeing as a prospective instructor. I want to go watch a lesson first though. I do not do screamers, or people without an easy, encouraging style of teaching.  I want someone who actively competes, and who I can trust not to abuse me. I've had bad trainers in the past. Not going to do that again.

Then hopefully in the spring it will be our year to make our debut. I've only been trying to get there with the High Queen for three years!  Anyway, time to head home. 

Stay between the flags, and hugs all around.

All the Happy Things

It's been almost a month since my last post and there have been so many things going on. Some very happy, others sad and scarey.  So lets start with the bad and move to the happy.

I found out in early August, about the time I started walking again that my dad has cancer. He had surgery and they thought they got it all, but not so. He'll have to have surgery again and hopefully then he'll be okay.

My job has been really stressful. There are just so many friggin things I have to get done and I just never seem to find the time for all of it. I feel like I'm getting no where. And then there is this person I work with. They have a superiority complex which they like to try and throw on me.  Not cool.

Lets move on to the happy.  We picked up our new puppy this past weekend.  He will never fill the hole that Jasper left, no dog could, but he is sooo beautiful.  He is his own little doggy person with a totally different personality than Jasper.  Our Golden Retriever who had been soo lonely is so much happier, and has stopped trying to crawl in to our laps everytime there is a thunder storm.

More happy. I am almost walking normally.  I'm still a long way from being completely healed but I can drive myself, and do almost everything that I had before I broke my leg. I haven't started riding yet, that is probably another month off.

The Best Happy.  I was so happy today that I almost cried. I had finished mowing, had spent some time with the puppy and wanted to spend some quality time with the High Queen.  A few weeks ago I finally ditched the ugly two horse straight that I hated and bought a big three horse Exiss slant.  Today for the first time I got the High Queen to walk in with a minimum of fuss.  She got alllll the way in and stayed until I asked her to back out.  I swear there were tears in my eyes.

It has been over a year of arguing, renting, or borrowing so many trailers you wouldn't believe it, and then finally getting the new trailer. I'd gotten the Queen half way in several times, all the way in once when I had Cowboy in the first stall, but she backed quickly off.

Today, I win. 

The Blue Cow and the Black Dog

The air near my house is almost perpetually a haze of smoke. The Great Dismal Swamp has been on fire since early in the month and burned over 6,000 acres. Even when it rains as it has every afternoon since Saturday the smokey smell never leaves.

I don't have health problems(other than a broken leg and a severe case of crazy) but my elderly neighbors do and I worry about them. I also worry about Seneca. I haven't heard her coughing, thank all things above, but as the reigning drama queen I'm keeping a watchful eye on her.

Sooo the broken leg saga continues. After my last visit where the surgeon basically said start moving on it, I very carefully started putting more and more weight on my leg. And....it doesn't hurt. Or rather not much, there are days, some worse than others, where it aches, or the swelling is bad at the end of the day. But I can walk without cruches in and out of my air cast now. Although out of my air cast its a more Igor-like sliding, limping walk, and in the cast its a more straight forward limp. 

I have another check-up in about two weeks, so we'll see what we see on the x-ray.  I don't think I'm crutch free yet, for long distances I take them, but for short jaunts I go crutchless. And I only walk with the air cast off when I'm in the house, anything else is taking my life in my own hands if my husband catches me.

Horsey things.  My mare is the fattest creature on the planet. I hadn't gotten a real good look at her until this past week, and my God she is HUGE!  I cut her grain back because el piggo obviously is doing just fine. I'm hoping to have my trainer come start riding her in September.

And in other more exciting news I will be meeting the new puppy, his siblings, mommy and breeders this weekend. Soooooo excited. He won't be coming home with me until the end of September/beginning of October, but I am sooo sooo excited.  I'll put pictures up when I have them.

Until then, gallop on!

Half Way There and Other Fuzzy Things

I had my latest in doctor's appointments today. The "look see" took longer than usual and was about 50/50 as far as results. My leg is still not healing as it should be. It is healing, but not in the time frame that is usual for a broken bone. My surgeon related what I call a "percussion break" meaning it wasn't a straight on hit that broke that bone, but rather the force that spread from the initial hit that chipped a piece off the inside of my ankle bone. But the force like a ripple effect broke the bone on the outside of the leg.  That bone is the one that is causing issues. Back to where I was going, my surgeon related my percussion break to a crush injury for how hard it was to heal the thing.

My surgeon also said that if this very stubborn bone doesn't show more signs of healing that I may be looking at another surgery. *head to desk* Not what I really needed. He said that in a second surgery he would take a piece of bone from elsewhere "he didn't say where from" and use that piece to help the break heal.  I am fervently hoping it doesn't come to that.

That was the bad news.  The good news he did say I can start swimming, and as tolerated start putting weight on my injured leg this week, starting slowly, and moving towards bearing full weight on the leg at the end of two weeks.  At which point when I can bear full weight I will make the decision about driving.  Please, please, please I pray to all things above let me be able to drive and take my own life back.

People who haven't had a broken leg don't understand how hard it is and how much of your independent life you lose.  I can't drive myself anywhere which means I have to be escorted to the grocery store, the clothing store, the bank, the feed store, and to work.  I can't clean my house, I can't groom my horse, I can't walk my dog, I can't even do my own laundry.  Totally SUCKS!

But onwards to happier things.  I wrote in my last post that my beloved English Bull Terrier, Jasper, had passed away.  I knew in my heart that I wanted another BT, but I knew I wasn't going to be ready for a new little bundle of furry energy for awhile.  The quandry is Bull Terrier's don't grow on trees, good breeders are rare and the puppies are expensive.  So even with my heart breaking I started looking for a breeder near me with a good reputation. But the problem of finding a breeder doesn't end there, not only did I have to find a breeder but one with a current litter or a litter to be born soon.  

In a stroke of luck or divine doggy intervention the excellent breeder I found in Pennsylvania had a litter of puppies born the same week that Jasper passed away.  My new fuzzy baby will be ready to come home with me in October but I will be meeting him in a few weeks. I am both very excited and meloncholy.  I miss Jasper's jaunty strut to the kitchen when he thought a treat was on offer. I miss his "pet me now" eyes as laid his head on the couch. I miss his obsession with the sand at the beach and the water hose. I miss him terribly every day, and the new puppy could never fill the hole in my heart that Jasper left, but I know the new puppy "Agate, we name our Bull Terrier's after rocks because of their hard heads" will in the way of all sweet, fuzzy, four footed creatures will carve his own place in my heart.

Sorrow

My first two weeks back at work have not been fabulous.  The first day of my first week I was told that in a year I may not have a job and that I should get my marketable skills polished up.  Freaking beautiful.

Then this past week was even worse.  Back in March my English Bull Terrier, Jasper undewent surgery for the third time to remove objects that are not supposed to be edible.  Though Jasper recovered some of his old spark he never fully came back from the surgery.  My husband and I prayed that the medications and treatments our vet gave Jasper would work, that like always our fun loving dog would bounce back.

We had gotten Jasper four years before as an 8 week old funny looking puppy that resembled a wombat more than he resembled a dog. Jasper was the first dog my husband and I had gotten as a couple. He was as most  Bull Terrier's are hard headed, stubborn, and full of amusement with the world. I had never been a dog person before we got Jasper. But I loved him above everything else with the exception of my mare.

Yesterday after a long, hard fight we made the decision to let him go. He wasn't getting any better,  and our wonderful group of vets had tried everything to no avail. Over the holiday weekend Jasper had nosebleeds, had lost way too much weight and then lost the sight in his left eye.  It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it was the only fair choice for Jasper.

We loved him and he will be missed.