Saturday, December 29, 2012

When Spring Brings Change

I got home from work at 7am yesterday, yes you read that correctly, got home from work, not leaving FOR work. I did a quick change of clothes, hanging my uniform up, and throwing on horse feeding garments instead. I pulled on the knee high mud mucking boots as it was pouring cold, nasty rain.  The day before I'd done the merry-blanket-go-round, switching Seneca's sheet for her mid-weight, and throwing her much better sheet on Cowboy, and removing his it-will-only-keep-the-wind-out sheet off.

I went to put feed in the buckets from the small feed shed that lives under the carport. I walk to the fence and watch Seneca limping more sharply than she had been. I watch her with sorrow, and guilt mixing heavily in my chest. I think about the spring, and the xc course we won't be trying to tackle, the dressage we won't be learning, the show jumps we won't be brave and cantering to. I have not yet had the vet out. I know what she'll say, I know what the xrays will show.  And I try not to think about it as I turn back to the feed shed and lace a little bute in to Seneca's feed.

Someday soon I'll have to admit to myself, outloud, to someone other than super hubs that Seneca is now an ornament and maybe a trail horse if I can get her to come sound again. It makes me sad in those deep places where dreams pool, grow, and over flow their banks in to my head to become thoughts of what could be. She's taken me places I didn't believe I'd go, the course at the Virginia Horse Park for starters. She's helped me make horsey friends, taught me so much. And while I will never sell her, never give her up, and maybe never ride her again, I will always love her.

But her maybe retirement comes at an almost opportune time. I will hopefully, Gods smile down with luck upon me, be getting away from the command I currently work for and go on to a new one. Here inlies the problem. If there are no openings for jobs in my current area I will have to leave. My horses will not be going with me. Instead super hubs will brave it alone, holding down the farm, loving all my myriad animals, while I go off wherever the Navy sends me. It could be Japan, and I will certainly not be riding there.  Here's crossing my fingers for a job here around home so I won't have to miss my husband, horses or farm. And who knows if I can stay in the area maybe there is another OTTB in my future, or Horse Gods smile on me, a packer to instill confidence enough to finally complete a BN horse trial.   Things to think about.

Keep it between the flags everyone.

No comments:

Post a Comment