The Bittersweetness of Dreams

 Like most little girls all I ever wanted was a pony of my own to love, ride and spoil.  That dream did not come true until I was sixteen and worked for two summers to buy my own horse. A horse I wish I had today for my daughter to ride.  Yet the dream of a pony persisted in to my adult years.

Even after having several horses of my own my heart would not give up the  dream of a tiny, fuzzy, pony face in my pasture. So when my daughter was born the dream burst full color. I now had a reason, a real reason to buy a pony.  The one I really wanted was an older, been everywhere, grey mare.  I ended up with a too sensitive, chestnut, pony, mare.  I often called her the devil's trifecta. 

Sadly my daughter, while she loves the horses, isn't in to riding to the levels that I am. It took me two years to finally find the perfect next home for my daughter's pony.  Yet I still worry that they won't give her the time or the patience she needs to really excel.  I worry that she will end up at a run down auction, scared and alone.  Don't mistake me. The home I chose for Tara is excellent but the worry doesn't cease. 

I am incredibly sad today because I led the pony on to the big shipper's trailer last night and settled her in with her two traveling companions.  I'm sad because the dream of the pony I always wanted is gone.  Yes I have the loveliest Belgian Warmblood mare and an equally lovely Belgian Warmblood/Section D Welsh mare that will probably be my husband's trail partner provided Roo gains back her brain cells when she goes to the professional trainer next spring. 

I'm bringing Remmy along on my own with help now and then from professional trainers. I love her more than words and truly believe that Roo came in to my life so that Remmy would find her way to me. 

I'm hoping to take her to a local schooling show, just to walk around in the costume class, provided Remmy keeps her calm, level headed demeanor.

Keep it between the flags. 

The Princess and Being Jumper Bred

 My lovely warmblood mare is a Princess.  I used the capitol P because her highness is just that, a Princess with a capitol P.   She likes her food on time, she likes her snacks to be plentiful, her baths to be consistent, she is not above being dirty but she does very much enjoy her baths. 

She likes her fly gear, except the rear boots, she isn't keen on those but will wear them if I insist, although she gives me the mare glare while I'm putting them on.  She would rather I stand on a stool to reach her head then deign to lower her massive noggin. She does not like to be kept waiting and she absolutely does not do bugs.

She does not do bugs to the point that she decided last Saturday, while I was out fetching the best second cutting hay in the land that she was going to move herself from the side pasture to the main pasture so that she could go back to the barn, where she believed the bugs would be less abundant. How did she accomplish this feat as there is a solid, five foot metal pipe gate separating the pastures?  She put her Grand Prix papa's jumper blood to the forefront and jumped the gate, scaring the life out of my husband who watched her do it.   Thankfully she did not injure herself in the process, however it has changed some of the policies that I generally run my barn by.  No matter how hot it is the Princess will where her fly sheet at all times.   And I'm looking into ways to cut down on the fly population.

Needless to say I will never worry about whether Remmy has scope or not. She was extremely pleased with herself after I got home with the hay. 

Swapping Feet and Weird Quirks

 Years ago after trying to manage Fox’s escalating hoof issues I wished that I could swap Seneca’s hooves on to Fox’s body.  Fox was pretty much everything I wanted mentally.  He was laid back, easy, and unflappable.  If I hadn’t wanted to compete he would have been the best trail pony ever, unless you wanted to go fast.  Fox never went anywhere fast. He was always the very last horse in every trail ride because he seemed to just want to stroll along and enjoy the walk at a snails pace.  I did love that about him.  After trail riding Seneca, who hated being off the property and hated trail rides anywhere, it was refreshing to have a horse who genuinely enjoyed ambling along the trails all day.  Seneca had the feet, Fox had the brain. I wished for years that I could combined the best attributes of both of them.

 Then Remmy showed up and said “hold my champagne”.  She is definitely a champagne kind of girl but she’s also the kind of princess that doesn’t wait for the prince to rescue her. She rescue’s herself.   I expected at least a little fireworks when she unloaded from the trailer in the dark of night and was handed off to a person she met for a couple of hours three years prior and was walked in to an unfamiliar field and set loose in a strange stall with strange horses for company.

But it didn’t happen. I had initially set out a lead shank with a chain as a just in case. We didn’t need it she walked calmly by my side and other than being a bit wide eyed Remmy behaved as all princess’s do with poise and grace. 

She has been this very same girl, accepting and adaptable from minute one. Remmy let me bathe her and clip her within a few days arriving with no fuss.  In fact that seems to be her mantra, no fuss, why expend that kind of energy.

She does have a couple of quirks.  The first we are working to correct. She is very resistant to picking up her back feet. It’s not that she can’t or is experiencing some sort of pain, she would just rather not have to.  We are solving this with ground work and cookies when she does it nicely without snatching her foot up.

The second quirk is not really something I can do anything but puzzle over.  Remmy likes to patrol the pasture. She isn’t doing it out of nerves or looking for the other horses, she just likes to walk the fence line in an observing way and then go back to eating.  She isn’t upset when she does it, just attentive. 

My mare is weird but I love her

When You Take the Crazy Leap

 

Sometimes taking the crazy leap doesn't end like you expect it to.  Your daughter who is hell on wheels for every other sport is very timid when it comes to riding. So the sensitive pony you bought doesn't end up being the right fit and now you have to start marketing her for sale. The pony not the child. 

Yet there are other jumps that end up taking you places you didn't envision and they feel like you were always meant to take that path. Years ago when my heart was hurting over my mare who had been diagnosed with cancer, I had a knee jerk reaction and brought home an OTTB who seemed perfect and for awhile he was. I really did love Fox but ultimately he was not the right fit for me so I sent him off to new adventures. 

Then came my giant golden retriever of a mare who absolutely identifies as a gelding. She's big and goofy and I love her more than I thought I'd ever love another horse after my heart horse (a tiny red AQHA mare) left my life. I loved Seneca dearly but she was not my heart horse. I grieved for her but when she left me it didn't tear me apart like losing Lady did.  I'm hoping the growing love I have for Roo will at least equal how I felt for Lady. I hope that we learn to trust each other at the heart deep level that Lady and I did. 

Roo, or searching for a Welsh Section D Cob sent me to Lisa Schultz Brezzina, a fantastic breeder who breeds Section D's and Section D Warmblood crosses under the Castleberry prefix in Indiana.  If you are looking for a well bred, athletic, smart, ridable horse, she is your person.  She sold me Roo and now she is selling me Roo's mom, Reminisce.   

When I knew my daughter's pony wasn't going to be a match and my daughter was going to need several more years of riding saintly lesson horses before she gained the confidence she would need for her own horse I went about looking for a horse that I could play with until Roo is old enough to be ridden consistently.  That's another year away at least.  The problem was I had champagne tastes and a beer budget.  I really wanted something that was already going or at least W/T/C.  Honestly I wanted a fancy Warmblood hunter but there was no way I was going to afford that.  Have you seen the horse market these days?  It's insane!  So I started looking at  OTTB's and Appendix AQHA's, even some paints but nothing I looked at was what I wanted. I wanted lovely movement, with lofty gaits and a sweet personality.  I wanted Roo, just older. 

Which is when Roo's breeder, Lisa offered to let me buy Remmy. I said yes without a second thought.  Remmy is an enormous Belgian Warmblood from the award winning breeding farm BannockBurn.  She has some of the best sporthorse blood in the world and she will be my new riding horse.  I may even breed a foal from her someday because I've always wanted to raise a foal from birth and Remmy has the bloodlines, the atheleticism and the good brain to make a phenominal baby.  I already know she can because Roo shows me everyday.

It will be a couple months before Remmy arrives but I am so very excited! Until the next step, keep it between the flags everyone!

Just Trucking Along

So another year has gone by or maybe two, okay a few. Life has gotten a little away from me and yet some things haven’t changed at all. Roo is still a giant Golden Retriever, sweet, goofy and well out of large pony size and in to the 15 hands range.  I’m thinking she might stop at 16 hands, which is kind of a relief.  Her half brother from last year is already 14.2 hands at 5 months.  I mean he is going to be HUGE!  Roo’s breeder offered to sell him to me and if I already had a going older, schoolmaster type and the room for it I would have definitely bought him.  

Roo is still the best baby horse ever.  She will be three at the end of April and I’m hoping to be able to take her to a couple of shows and just maybe do a walk trot class with her.  I don’t know yet.  My original plan was to have her started by someone I trust but I might just be able to do it myself.  My only goal this winter was to be the very first person to sit on Roo.  I bought her as a gangly, fuzzy weanling and I’ve loved every minute of watching her grow up the past two years. Despite not being a professional trainer or having really started any of the other babies I’ve had over the years I wanted to be the first person to sit on my girl.  And I did it!

Perhaps not in the most sane way.  I had planned to have my husband home while I did it but decided later I didn’t want an audience.  So when he was a work and my daughter was at her after school activities I brought Roo in to the barn, tacked her up (she’s been tacked, lunged and done all the ground work, I’m not completely nuts) and then I brought her in to her stall and just went through all the things we already done before I assessed where her mental state was and then swung my leg over.   It was amazing!   She didn’t flick an ear and I was just so proud of her.

So next, the pony.  Tara is still at my farm. I want to sell her and yet I don’t.  If she was a large or even a bigger medium pony I’d just keep her for myself but as a small she just isn’t super fun for me to ride.  So this spring I’ll be taking her to some breed shows, some local hunter/jumper shows and starting to market her for sale. I hate it because I am so very afraid she will end up in a bad situation that isn’t as understanding of her quirks as I am.  She is not a beginner child’s pony.  She’s a super brave, trainer kids pony or one of those really talented A circuit junior riders.  So I’m trying to find her the right person, a person who will love her and laugh at her quirks rather than punish her for them. 

My daughter is still riding, though I take her over to my friend’s hunter/jumper barn where she rides a pair of saintly lesson horses.  Someday I will get her another horse but for now she’s learning from the lesson horses.   As for me, aside from tuning up the pony and bringing along Roo I haven’t really been riding much.  Thief had to retire last winter due to some injuries and my friend’s other hunter gelding is not my cup of tea to ride.  So I’m sort of a riding horseless.  I’ll start looking for a schoolmaster of my own later this year when I have the budget for it.  

The problem is that I want a lovely, well schooled, saintly Warmblood and I can’t afford that.  A nice OTTB would be good too but the ones I need are all really expensive too.  I mean the horse market the last few years has just gone insane! 

Anyway, until I pick up the keyboard again, keep it between the flags my friends. 

The Chaos Wrap-Up and a Return to Hunter Land

 The last year has been a continual study in change and chaos. I started a new job, that I love so much my husband and I decided to stay in VA for another few years. Despite me hating my current house with every fiber of my being, seriously I detest it.  Despite not having enough room for all the horses I really want but then who does?  But I love the job I’m doing and the freedom it allows me.  

My daughter is starting Kindergarten this year.  There is a sentence I NEVER thought would come out of my mouth. And we’ve decided to find a new home for her pony.  My daughter loves her pony but doesn’t love riding and it’s not fair to the pony when the pony really, really loves to work. Sporadic lead line rides just aren’t enough for her.  So little Miss Tara will be marketed soon to find her a new perfect home. 

Earlier in the spring I started riding at a friend’s hunter/jumper barn.  I was the epitome of nervous adult amateur but Thief, the massive, red OTTB gelding was a perfect babysitter and even helped me start to love jumping again.  I don’t know where this will take me but it’s nice to be able to ride while Roo is still turning in to the monster Warmblood she seems to moving towards.  Seriously she’s 13 months old and already 14.2 hands.   I’m starting to wonder if she’ll be as tall as her mom.  A daunting thought but she’s so lovely and sweet I can’t imagine it being an issue. 

With the pony leaving I will have a spot open for a new horse. I’m trying to find something very laid back and sweet so that if my daughter really does decide she wants to ride later on that I’ll have something suitable that she can just hack around.   

That is all the update I have right now. Keep it between the flags everyone!

Change Brings Change

 There has been so much change in my life this year. The new job is pretty great. I got over my first day jitters and found an introverts dream job. I only really interact with about ten people on a weekly basis. I'm quietly left to do my job and no one wonders where I am if I happen to take a break to walk outside in the sunshine or go to the break room to facetime with my daughter because I leave for work before she gets up. 

Roo is still just as sweet as ever. I swear she's a giant Golden Retriever in a horse shape. She has the cutest crimped curly hair in her forelock and tail. Her breeder says that's from her dad Favor.  Roo has been learning all the good horsey citizen things like picking up her feet, having them trimmed by the farrier, tying quietly and just all around learning to be well behaved. Everything is just so easy with her.

Not to be outdone my daughter's little Welsh pony Tara is still a lovely, haughty princess of a pony.  But over the last two years she has grown to love me. She calls to me every time I leave the house, she willingly lets me hug her, rub her soft red coat and doesn't flee when I come bearing a leadline.  She still has her moments of snobby princess where she doesn't want to be caught but now I can entice her in with a treat, where before even that wouldn't convince her to come near me.  She's still a bit spooky, but we are working on that with ground work. 

The biggest change came unexpectedly. I convinced my husband to send Cowboy off to a trainer friend of mine. She is an advanced level eventer and used to quirky horses. So off he went for almost 90 days of training.  We went to visit him towards the end of 60 days and afterwards, seeing how very happy Cowboy was with a true job my husband made the decision to find Cowboy a new partner. My husband also took on a new job this past year, which he loves. He's working towards his degree in Early Childhood Development and due to that taking up so much of his time he's decided that it would be in the best interest of Cowboy to find him a new partner. 

We let my trainer friend know to start marketing him.  I know the horse market is crazy right now. I watched an online auction and saw a Draft cross mare sell for $90,000.  This wasn't some spectacular dressage horse or money earning cutting horse or even a jumper. This was a ranch bred Draft cross.  I just could not even wrap my head around that.  Until Cowboy sold in maybe three weeks.  Granted my trainer friend has tons of connections but still it was a little crazy how quickly he was sold.  He will be leaving for his new home next week to become the next Appy partner for a lady who wants an all around Appaloosa.  I think Cowboy is going to be really happy.  He will have a person who loves him for himself.

Is there another riding age horse in my future while I wait for Roo to grow up? Probably.  But most likely it will be next year when my family finally moves home to North Carolina so I can be closer to my mom and sisters. 

Until then keep it between the flags everyone!

New Journeys

 This fall has been my season of change.  Today I started the first new job I’ve had in over twenty years.  I sat in my car before I was scheduled to go in for a full five minutes, trembling and heart hammering until I told myself that this was a good thing and to get a move on. 

I sent Fox off to his new adventures. I was sad for a little while but not once did I think I had made a mistake.  I always want my animals to be happy and if they aren’t I try to figure out why. For Fox that meant letting him go find his own joy with someone who would love him for himself and only himself. 

So then there was this horse shaped hole in my heart. And as every equestrian knows that hole will suck down your soul until it is filled.  So I went about trying to find what I wanted within the budget I could muster.  I really wanted a sweet, old schoolmaster but those are seriously hard to find in my budget. 

The next option was a very young horse.  I sifted, I hunted, I searched. I really wanted a Section D Welsh Cob, one with dressage movement.  Those are seriously hard to find, even rarer are cobs that nice within my budget.  Yet I managed, somehow to find a very special girl. I now realize that I absolutely have a type. As I looked back on it I saw that all the horses I’ve truly loved were chestnut mares.  My first heart horse, hopefully not my last, was a small, deep red, AQHA mare. I’d give almost anything to have that mare back. But she is long in the grave. So in her well loved footsteps comes the new redhead in my life. 

Castleberry Reverie (Roo) is a Welsh Cob x Belgian Warmblood.  I flew out to Indiana a couple of weeks ago and got to meet not just Roo but both of her parents and a lot of her siblings.  Roo’s dam, Reminisce is a huge, Belgian Warmblood mare.  Seriously she was every bit of 17+ hands and her withers were at least a foot over my head.  I stepped in to a pasture with three breeding stallions and had not one reservation about my safety as they were some of the sweetest boys I’d ever met.  Roo is quiet, snuggly and so very very smart. 

She had never stepped on a trailer before she got on to the shippers and she walked right in.  After staying at a farm in Maryland for three days, she then stepped right in to my trailer and behaved liked a seasoned traveler.  Roo then stepped off my trailer and settled in to her stall without a single issue. 

Roo is quickly curling her red nose in against my heart and I’m happy to let her. I fully admit it I LOVE CHESTNUT MARES!

When the Romance is Over, You Begin a New Journey

 There are lots of changes in store for me this year. I am finally, FINALLY retiring from the Navy and will have more control over my own life.  Purple hair dye here I come!  My husband also changed jobs and now has more time to spend at home and is actually doing a job that he enjoys.  I am trying to get my photography business off the ground and do other things to try and arrange my life so that I can work from home. 

In my equestrian life I haven’t really done much. I have a lesson scheduled for next week with a new dressage trainer.  I have decided to leave jumping behind for awhile and study dressage as I find I am too anxious jumping these days. I still love the pony. She’s sassy and quirky sometimes, but I love that red Welsh mare.  Now that Superhubs has more time to spend with Cowboy he’s becoming less of a menace and I will be taking him to my dressage lesson next week. 

I’m taking Cowboy because Fox will be leaving me soon.  I have a realized, yes it took me seven years,  that my knee jerk reaction to retiring Seneca has landed me with a partner that isn’t a good fit. He doesn’t fully trust me and I feel the same.  This never makes for a harmonious partnership.  This combined with Fox’s terrible feet mean that I can’t even really dream about competing again.  So I made the extremely difficult but necessary decision to return Fox to his adoption program so that they can find him his perfect home.  I will probably take some flack for this but it was the right choice.   I’m a little sad, a lot guilty, but mostly I’m relieved.  I want both of us to be happy and I don’t think Fox is and I know that I’m not.

So with that on the horizon I am indulging in the ultimate equestrian past time, haunting every possible nook and cranny of the internet to find my next partner.  I have my eye on and am discussing a Warmblood Welsh Cob Cross filly, she seems like a lovely meshing of my two favorites types and her siblings all move extraordinarily well. But we’ll see.  I’d love something a little older, closer to backing but I can only afford what I can afford.  

Until next time, keep it between the flags everyone. 

A Christmas Present 40 Years in the Making

 

Like most little girls, every Christmas I asked for a real, live pony.  I would race to the Christmas tree with hope but there was never a pony under the tree.  It took years before I got my first horse but I never stopped wanting that perfect, adorable pony.

When my daughter was born my husband agreed to help me fulfill my pony tree someday when my little girl was ready for one. Late last year I as casually looking and found a great little pony, a well bred Welsh, older, been there done that, even went to Pony Finals. But it took me too long to try to convince Superhubs that she was the one and she was sold.

So I kept an eye out for a pony. And then I saw her.  A gorgeous little, chestnut Welsh mare, broke to ride, sweet and well bred.  She’s been with us a couple of weeks now and I am more in love with her each day.

My daughter loves that she can get on and off of her with just the mounting block, loves that she can get the saddle off on her own. Her barn name is Tara. She has a fancy registered name but we call her Tara. She terrorizes Cowboy and hangs out with Fox.  My daughter has already fallen off of her once, totally not Tara or Alex’s fault, just an accident. 

I hope we can do some lead line classes at some point and maybe some walk trot next year.  I already have dreams of pony foals dancing in my head.  

Keep it between the flags everyone. 

Pony Kisses

 The hardest part of loving is having to let go.  As the summer wore on Seneca made it more and more obvious that she was ready to rest. I chose a warm day in early September and had Superhubs take my daughter to a camp activity at her gymnastics gym so that I could be alone. Having to worry about other people can be overwhelming for me.  Welcome to my particular brand of anxiety. Yippee.

We had a party for Seneca the Sunday prior, letting everyone who loved the haughty bay mare say goodbye by spoiling her with treats. I tried to give her a piece of carrot cake but she literally turned her nose up at it.  I took loads of pictures of her and spent the morning just hanging out with her.  In the end she lay down quietly and slipped away as I stroked her neck. I clipped lots of pieces of her mane and tail and I’ll have jewelry made eventually.  I chose to have Seneca cremated so I could take her with us to the next farm. Her urn, a lovely carved wooden box with her name engraved on a brass plate sits on the table next to my bed. I touch it each night as I go to bed and each morning when I get up. 

She was lovely bay Queen and I will miss her terribly.  

Keep it between the flags everyone. 

The Chaos That Is

      So many months have gone by again since I have laid my fingers on the keyboard. Sometimes it is hard to know what to write because so much has changed and yet nothing has.  I am still working a job I hate but the end is closer yet. Only 18 more months to go!  I still have my terrifying daughter who is not quite four but continues to scare and amuse me every day.  I still have my wonderful Superhubs who is building me a barn this summer! A real one with stalls and everything, but more on that later.  

And I still have my High Queen.  She is still defying the odds.  I was certain she would be gone by Christmas but she hasn’t told me yet that she is ready to go.  She’s still happily eating, rolling, bossing the boys around.  For several months she was living with the neighbor and her mare. That is another story I will tell later. But she’s back home now and living with Fox who seems to adore her still.

Cowboy is living by himself which he seems mostly okay with, it was after all his choice to live by himself. Yet another story to tell. 

My daughter is slowly learning to ride. I don’t push but wait for her to ask me to ride and hope she will love it as I do.  Fox is her lead line pony for now, though I see a Welsh pony in our future.  He is gentle and tolerant with her and way more trustworthy, at least to me than, Cowboy.  My daughter has even ridden Seneca a couple of times, and because I knew it might be my last time I too swung up on the big bay mare, though in just a rope halter as anything else might cause my girl too much pain. 

Cowboy continues to be the naughty Appy he’s always been.  For awhile when I had all three horses together in the back pasture, with a truly lovely round bale so I could grow grass in the front pasture he was escaping nearly every day.   I could not understand why he was doing this, until I just left him by himself in the main pasture.  And the little heathen didn’t get out.  He wasn’t escaping to escape.  He was escaping because he wanted to be in a pasture by himself.  Cantankerous beast!

Several months ago now, we got new neighbors.  Lovely people who I really like and actually socialize with.  I know the anti-social queen actually wants to be friendly with the neighbors. At first they had just one horse, a big chestnut, OTTB mare named Amelia.  For awhile Amelia came to live with us because the neighbors property wasn’t ready yet but their boarding barn was closing.  From the first day Seneca was in absolute love with this mare.  She even shared her grain, which I had never seen her do.  So when the new property was ready I agreed to let Seneca keep Amelia company over there. It was great for everyone.  Until they got the third horse.  The gelding was a large, very stocky, old style paint, think part draft looking.  He was old and grumpy.  He did not like Seneca much and they did not get along well.  To the point that we all agreed Seneca should come home.

She moves slower these days and seems more tired. Yet she still seems happy, still eats, rolls, snaps at Fox occasionally, snaps at Cowboy always and seems generally happy.  We will see what this summer brings for us.

I am hoping I might get to a show or two this fall but life just always seems to get in the way these days. Maybe in another year or so when my daughter starts school, and I will be working a different job, in a different place, with new adventures to be had.

Until then keep it between the flags!

Where the Sidewalk Ends

I’ve been putting off this post for a while. It wasn’t one that I thought I would ever have to write, hoped I never would. But hope can only take you so far. Denial a little further but eventually truth in all its terrible glory will not stand idly by.

My dear, sometimes sweet, High Queen, Seneca has cancer. I’d known about the common types of equine cancer. These are sarcomas and melanoma. My lovely drama queen has neither of those. No, no, common types of cancer were not good enough for her. Seneca has osteosarcoma, otherwise known as bone cancer.  It’s extremely rare in horses. Look it up, you’ll see just how outside of the box my mare had to go to make her walk in to that good night a spectacularly unusual one.

It all started just before Halloween.  My travel plans changed so I was actually home for Halloween when I wasn’t expecting to be.  When I went to feed my ponies one afternoon I noticed a small swelling on Seneca’s jaw, just behind her chin and about where the noseband buckle would be.  It was a little sensitive to the touch but she was eating normally.  The vet was due out the next week for fall shots so I decided to have her take a look at the swelling if it was still there when the vet came out.

The vet arrived and examined it and we were both a little shocked to realize it wasn’t a normal swelling but a bone fracture.  Yet, what worried me was there was no wound, no damaged skin, so how had Seneca hit herself, or one of the boys hit her hard enough to fracture her jaw but not damage the skin?

We x-rayed the area and saw there was indeed a fracture.  At the time the vet herself told me it was unlikely to be cancer. My marching orders were to photograph it once a week but wait and see.

Within a couple of weeks the area had doubled in size.  Seneca was still acting and eating normally but while my head still wanted to be convinced by science, my heart already knew.  The vet came back out for a re-check and we didn’t need to x-ray it again, we both knew that my mare was one in a million.  My vet is this lovely French Canadian who was extremely sympathetic and had on her own done extensive research and examined the x-rays from every angle.  But there was no denying that cancer was cancer and with this kind there really was nothing we could do to cure it. We both talked about what came next and that Seneca and I were both not yet ready to say goodbye.

I’m writing this from a hotel room in Florida, while wishing that I was at home spending time with Seneca.  I don’t know how long she has left. As long as she’s happy, eating and acting normally I will continue to spoil her. There will be a day though, probably before Christmas when Seneca will look at me and I will know that it is time to let her go.  I’m doing everything I can to make the best memories possible until the end but it is so very hard because I have loved her big, snobby, brown butt for eleven years. And I do not want to let her go, I know it’s what’s best but it hurts so damn much.

Keep it between the flags everyone.

Doing What You Can With What You’ve Got and the Beauty of New Boots.

Every time I realize how long it has been since I’ve posted I feel horrible. Unfortunately this is my life right now. I have a full time job in the Navy (so my life isn’t really my own. YET!) an almost three year old daughter who can be at moments a holy terror, a farm, a big property to maintain and a house to keep clean and organized. 

So my life is pretty full. What this means is that I ride when I can but all my plans for competitions, clinics, and lessons went out the window a while ago. These days when I need a little flatwork inspiration I hit up some of my favorite trainers on YouTube. It’s not as good as being able to have a lesson with a dressage coach or a jumping coach but it’s what fits my life right now. 

I moved to a new command this past January.  And it’s not exactly what I was hoping for. I was hoping for a nice quiet shore duty to spend my last three years in the Navy before I retire and move on to a life that I get to orchestrate and make the choices for.  This is not that command. I travel. A LOT!  The first five months I was at the command I was only really in the office for a total of two weeks.  This winter I’ll be spending three months away from home with jaunts back to the farm for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I will miss my daughter’s third Halloween, but not her birthday thankfully.

My whole family is actually taking a vacation together. Every October the biggest hot air balloon festival in the United States, maybe the World happens in Albuquerque, New 

Mexico.  Which is really close to where Superhubs grew up and his family still lives.  We decided to take Her Majesty the Queen of Babies to the festival this year.  My mother, sisters, nephew and brother-in-law decided they wanted to come too.  AND! My husband sprang on me a surprise trip to the Grand Canyon while we are out in the Southwest! I’ve never been and I’ve always wanted to see the Grand Canyon at sunrise so we are going to make that trip happen as well. 

So what has been going on with my horses you ask?  Not a lot. I’ve been riding when I can, which with the current weather has either been super early in the morning or really late in the evening.  Recently I’ve had the Red Rogue Pony working on transitions and cavaletti work.  Plus working on the right side bend. He is super stiff and unyielding to that direction.  I’m pretty sure it’s due to me favoring that side and not being as strong on my left which I’m also trying to work on. 

I’ve also been riding Cowboy a little bit.  He’s still not my first choice to ride but we’re managing to get along.  He also can be super stiff so we’re working on bending and cavaletti work as well.   I’m hoping someday to take him to a dressage show but with my work life pretty much sucking up all my time and what’s left going to my daughter I just can’t ride as much as I used to. So I have to work with what I’ve got. 

My daughter while not completely sold on the aspect of horses as far as riding goes does occasionally ask me to ride.  I always choose Fox because he is the least likely to do something stupid when we are just strolling at the slowest walk possible. Which Fox and my daughter both love. My daughter has her own little helmet and I see tiny jods and paddock boots in her future. Super horsey mommy squeal!

Even though I’m not riding as much as I was this fact has not stopped me from acquiring some new equestrian items. Because my pre-pregnancy Kerrits Cross-over breeches don’t quite fit the way they used to I got a couple new pairs of breeches. My Kerrits are low rise, and having seen the photos of myself post pregnancy in those breeches I opted for mid-rise to er camouflage certain aspects of my anatomy that I don’t want to announce to the world.  Love handles cough cough.   I bought two pairs from two different brands. I bought a very nice pair of Romfh full seats, and a lovely pair of Ariat Tri-factor full seats.   I haven’t had a chance to wear the Romfhs yet but the Ariat’s wore really well and made me feel very secure in the saddle. I’ll put a full review on all my new stuff under that tab on the main page.

I also got two more new things. One I already have and LOVE, the other will be arriving tomorrow.  Since the beginning of my riding life as a wee little girl on ponies I have hated riding in my tall boots.  Prior to getting half chaps I rode in breeches in paddock boots almost exclusively unless I was showing.  Then I got half chaps and adored them. I have a pair of black suede Ariat half chaps that are nearly 20 years old.  In the way back days of my childhood when my parents couldn’t afford a pair of fancy tall boots I had a PVC pair that I would shine with Armor All for shows.  Then later when my feet stopped growing my mom bought me a pair of Devonaire pull on tall boots.  I loved the look but really hated riding in them because I lost the close contact feel.  When I could afford to buy my own boots and after I broke my ankle and I absolutely had to have zip up boots I got a pair of Ariat Crown Pros.  I was very much in love with them but again I lost the feel my half chaps gave me. Yet again I only wore them when I had to for shows.  

So I dealt with it, relegated my tall boots for when I had no choice. Then one day at the local tack shop I was perusing the tall boots and saw this style of boot that I’d heard of, seen on a few upper level riders but thought were kind of odd looking.  Enter the Ariat Volants.  The minute I tried on those boots it was an instant affair.  They were so comfortable and the already broken in panel on the inside had me sighing and trying to figure out how to afford them.   I stalked e-bay and anywhere else that might have them at a discount. No joy.  I put my unrequited love aside.  Until Smartpak put their Ariat Sport V’s on clearance at the same time I had some extra funds.  I snapped up a pair and they have now become my favorite boot to ride in. Along with the new breeches I feel like a tornado couldn’t dislodge me from the saddle.

The last new item, that is at this moment winging its way to me, is a new bridle.  I am a certified bridle hoarder.  I’d have to physically count all my bridles, something I am loath to do, but I think this will make bridle number 14.  I only have two ridable horses.  Did acknowledging my bridle hoarding stop me from buying a new bridle? Nope.  I got a new PS of Sweden Jump Off Bridle.  I was dithering back and forth between the Jump Off and the High Jump, but ultimately went with the Jump Off.  I’m really excited to see if either or both of the boys likes this bridle more than the SmartPak dressage bridle they both currently share. 

We shall have to see.  What’s up next for us?  Just training and trying to be more fit. My job will have me traveling again for several months. I just keep telling myself I only have a couple of years left and then I can do whatever the hell I want.

Until then, keep it between the flags my friends. 

The Sweet Spot

     Home again, home again, jiggety, jig! I’ve finally been home for longer than a week! And the weather hasn’t been totally horrible! I’ve managed to ride Fox twice and Cowboy twice.  We are only doing tack walking with a lap of the field at the trot as the end of the work out.  Since the ponies haven’t been ridden since May I want to take it easy on them and gently get everyone, myself included back in to shape.

Meanwhile I’ve had the Farrier Fairy out to attend to hooves, and my vet to get everyone’s shots, and coggins up to date for the spring.  Plus I got some x-rays done of Fox’s front feet so that the Farrier Fairy and I can make some more informed decisions about how to best take care of Fox’s feet.

Riding the two boys has been interesting. Fox is the lazy, I will only do the smallest amount unless pushed horse.  He is also the one that when he thinks the ride should be done he’ll try and shy, grab the bit and run back towards his girlfriend.  Naughty brat.

Cowboy on the other hand has been a sort of delightful surprise.  I’m not saying he doesn’t have his moments of “I don’t wanna.”   He does and he has more of a reason to protest than Fox does.  Cowboy has been my husband’s sometimes trail horse for the last six years. Meaning he got ridden maybe three or four times a year.  I had no serious interest in riding him. I mean come on I had the lovely High Queen and all her high jinks, then the Sunday Stroller gelding.

But Cowboy is that horse that always comes to the gate first, would always rather follow you around than be with the other horses. He is curious about absolutely everything. Plus he is super pretty and he is a very lovely mover.  I didn’t realize what a gift it is to sit on a nice mover until I rode Cowboy a few days ago.  Trotting him was such a change, a floating, gorgeous change from riding Fox that I was really kicking myself for not doing it ages ago.  Then he got a moment of naughty and broke in to a canter.  The most balanced, uphill canter I’ve sat on in years.

Now I love Fox, he is that easy going, never really spook at anything, best trail horse, level headed, jump anything pony that I wanted for a long, long time.  But he is also a lot of work. He is never going to be that self initiated forward mover.  I always have to work hard to get him to do dressage the way it needs to be done.  And while this makes me a better rider, it can be exhausting.

And then there is Cowboy.   He is naturally foward, not hot, just a big, energetic mover.  I have been over the last couple of months, from when the summer of hell finally ended, tried to be kinder to Cowboy, to try and see him as less of a brat who is always bugging you, and more of a friend who always wants to be part of what you are doing.  I’ve spent more time with him, groomed him more and generally went about changing the way I see him.


Another blogger, who I love, writes about her riding of her spicy mare. They went to a clinic with Dom Schramm, one of my favorite riders and clinicians.  Dom told the rider to ride her mare like she’s sweet.  I took this to mean that if you expect naughty, bad behavior, you are going to get it. I’m not saying not to be prepared, but don’t look for it.  I’m trying to ride Cowboy as if he’s sweet, letting go over past transgressions and trying to appreciate what Cowboy has to offer.

In honor of that, when the vet came out I asked her to list Cowboy’s show name on his coggins so that if I can get him to some shows this year I can show him with the name I chose.   Which is
“The Sweet Spot”

Keep it between the flags everyone! And Happy New Year!

Recommitting, Reengaging and Revitalizing

So here I am post the summer from hell and I still haven't gotten back on the proverbial and literal horse. There are a lot of reasons I haven't gotten back in the saddle yet.  Some are easy to define, others not so much. 

My motivation to do more than just groom, pick hooves and feed treats just hasn't been there lately.  A lot of it had to do with coming down from the ultra-high stress bus that I had been riding for almost four months.  I lived with a high level of daily stress for so long that it took several weeks of little to no stress to bring me back to a baseline.  

Which is about when my desire to ride again began kicking in.  I started reading my Practical Horseman’s again, perusing the Dover/SmartPak catalogs, touching with longing all my good tack that is currently living in my bedroom as my tack room is also the guest bedroom. I started looking at my ponies with an eye towards what we need to work on, how we're going to get all the muscle we lost back and what we can do this winter to make riding easier. 

Essentially I found my riding mojo again, I found my riding love again, I found myself. 

I still have a month long training to do that will have me away from home from mid-November to mid-December. Which sort of sucks because I need to do the annual shaving of the wooly beast who, while he is definitely a Thoroughbred, is absolutely convinced that he is an Appaloosa/Welsh Pony cross. So while my other two, the OTTB mare and the actual Appy are just mildly fuzzy, Fox has nearly a full on winter coat already. 

So here I am laying it down in black and white. I am recommitting to my riding, reengaging with my passion and my pony and revitalizing my heart and my dreams.  This year we will go Beginner Novice, we will canter dressage worthy circles, we will do a clinic with someone great. We will go down to the North Carolina Horse Park and do the War Horse Eventing Trial.  We will be the partners that I know we can be.

I will commit to taking Cowboy to a horsemanship clinic and find our own partnership so that he can have a job and feel loved and needed. We will prance down centerline and wow everyone with how lovely a mover he is. We will do a cross rails jumping class and we will trail ride and have fun. 

I listen to a lot of audio books. Sometimes I listen to fiction, sometimes memoirs, and sometimes self-help.  There was one self-help book that talked about writing down or saying your goals out loud.  How these simple acts reinforce things in your mind and makes it easier and believable to achieve your goals. 

So here I am, this is the year we get off our butts and do all those things I've been dreaming of.  

Keep it Between the Flags everyone!

Why I Dropped Off the Earth Again

I realized after logging in today that I have not posted since April.  After the summer I have had it feels like years ago instead of months. So let me dive in to the reason I dropped off the earth again.

Way back in March I entered what I jokingly call the Second Circle of the Circus. In the Navy when you are an E6 (Its a rank) the next move is to E7, or Chief.  It's a big deal, a lot of changes and responsibility come with it.  It is not an easy move to make. First there is the exam (The first circle of the circus), then there is Making Board, meaning you've passed the exam and now your record will be looked at by a board of upper rank enlisted and officers to decide whether or not they will recommend you for Chief.

The Selected for Board results come out in March, this is the Second Circle.  As expected I made Board, but I didn't get excited at that point. I've made Board before and not been selected.  But I wanted to be prepared just in case so I started the Couch to 5K program using their app.  And I completed my second ever in my life 5K on Memorial day.  I actually did a trail run through a horse ranch which was pretty cool.

Then there is the long wait for the Selection results to come out.  For me the results come out usually in the first week or two of July. I took leave the first week of July so I could flip out in private if I didn't get selected again.  And the results were late so I ended up being at work the day they came out anyway.

And I was Selected, this is the end of the third circle of the circus and the beginning of the fourth.  The fourth circle is Initiation.  This is like extreme bootcamp. Lots of PT and other stuff to prepare you for being promoted.

So that is where I disappeared to for so long.  Now I'm on the other side.  And I only have one sound horse right now. Seneca as usual is happy in her permanent retirement.  Fox must have been feeling a bit jealous of this and realizing my preoccupation with work was about to come to an end and his cushy holiday with it, he contrived to be on the injured list.

A few weeks ago, in the dark, I went out to feed my three ponies.  Fox limped, three legged limped up to me out of the dark.  I quickly hung up the phone conversation I was having and went to check him out.  He'd cut up his left pastern, but he was actually limping on the right front foot.  That was strange all on it's own.   Later I saw the gate between the two pastures was wrecked.  Which explained the cut and I thought Fox must have gotten hung up on it and pulled his shoulder.  So I applied some first aid, did my best to make him comfortable and added some bute to his feed.

After several days his limping was less and and less though not gone.  Then the Farrier Fairy came out and when she went to trim that right front foot we discovered that he wasn't injured he had just contrived a massive sole abcess at the same time he'd cut himself. Sneaky pony.

So that leaves Fox on the injured list a while longer and I'm treating his recovering foot and to try to stave off thrush. Meanwhile this leaves Cowboy as my only sound horse.  Uhmm yea?
I have been trying to let go of the past lately and learn to love that big spotted beast.  I still see lots of lunging in our future but it's not out of the realm of possibility to see us swaggering down the centerline some time this winter.

Also stay tuned to the Reviews page for some updates on a new footing solution I added to one of my run-in sheds and the truly awesome haynets I got this year that even Fox hasn't managed to destroy!

Keep it between the flags everyone!

The Legacy of Fear

I don't know when, or why, or how but somewhere along the line between riding Seneca, her retirement and finding Fox I became afraid of speed.  Years ago before she became a pasture puff I had no problem cantering Seneca at home. In fact, right before the seemingly endless rounds of vet visits and time off, I was beginning to work on cantering fences. This precipitated the whole saddle fit debacle where I realized that my current saddle did not quite fit Her Majesty.


Later that year I did my last XC schooling with Seneca where we actually cantered a XC fence.  This was a big step for us and I hoped a bright spark for the future. Except a month later Seneca began the rounds of on again off again lameness that was the downward spiral towards her retirement.


Enter Thrill Factor, aka Fox, the slowest, most unmotivated OTTB on the planet. Which makes his registered name completely ironic. I loved him from the moment I saw him.  He was absolutely not what I was looking for. I wanted tall, elegant, flashy.  He was a small, decent mover and a very strange, ever changing chestnut color. But he was slow, quiet and a snuggler.  I think the snuggling is what really sold me.  He's very vocal and always comes to the fence when I walk out to see him. And off the property he behaves like a plow horse 99% of the time.


Yet I had this mental block about cantering him. Part of it is that he's hard to motivate in to a canter. Except that one time in front of a BNT when I was only asking for a trot. So at home for the last year I almost never cantered and only cantered occasionally when off the property.  He would trot nearly any kind of fence without looking twice at it unless I was nervous about it. Then it was more of a "are you sure Mom?"


But last week I was on vacation to do clean-up of the property after the nasty winter we've had. Which provided me the opportunity to ride my horse multiple times in a week. So I worked on letting go of my fear, of putting my trust in the red pony and just dealing with whatever shenanigans he might pull.  Except there were no shenanigans.  He gave me the canter fairly easily on both rides.   The first ride I only asked him for a few strides of canter a couple of times to see if the button was there. If he would give me the canter without doing anything naughty.


The second ride I made him give the canter for a lap of my make-shift arena. In both directions. Which he did, even though he tried to drop out of the canter a couple of times. I was so very happy with just those few moments of the ride. I mean he gave me other good things but I struggled with cantering Fox.


I'm not even sure why other than I hadn't cantered him consistently for a very long time.  He would occasionally give me the canter after a fence and I would praise him and ride it out when he did but again he's very lazy and getting the canter after a fence wasn't a given.


So where do we go from here? I'm working on arena exercises to strengthen Fox's topline, doing our dressage circles of death, and we will be working on cantering ground poles soon. I am tentatively planning on doing one of the War Horse Series shows this summer. I say tentative because I plan a lot but often the execution gets muddled.  I'm also planning on taking Fox to some lessons with a local eventer and hopefully some dressage lessons again with Sprieser Sporthorses.


Until then keep it between the flags!

You Do What You Gotta Do

So as my work life becomes more complicated, I inevitably get more stress in my life. Which means I need to ride more, groom more, be with my four legged stress reliever more.  So how do you make more time in an already crazy busy life? Sacrifice, my eventing friends, sacrifice. 


A very long time ago I was in Navy Boot Camp. Your sleep deprived, often sick with respiratory illness due to the close quarters and your day is schedule to within an inch of it's life. You have no privacy and no freedom.  It's just something you have to endure. Towards the end of Boot Camp there is an event called Battle Stations.  Basically you stay up all day, then when you should be going to sleep you go out and play war games all night, literally, you don't get to sleep until the evening of the NEXT night.  During Boot Camp I was a notoriously slow runner.  We would be in the drill hall doing aerobic exercises, then you pause and do a lap around the gym, come back and do more exercises.  By the time I got done doing my lap, it was time to do a lap again.


During Battle Stations, back in my day (They have an animatronic ship made by Disney now), you sprinted from each of the different buildings where various events were held to the next.  The worst was from the tunnel that passes under a road to the pool building.  It was a really long distance.  And as I stated I was a slow runner.  The rule was you had to stay in front of the last RDC (Recruit Division Chief), if you fell behind the last RDC you failed and had to return to your barracks building, wait 24 hours then try again.  After experiencing the first half, and coming up on the dreaded run to the pool building, there was NO WAY I was going to re-run Battle Stations.  So I made it my absolute mission to stay in front of the last RDC. Which is what I did.  On that last long run we lost half the girls in my Division. I conquered Battle Stations, got my Navy Ball Cap (the symbol that you were now a real sailor versus the Recruit Ball Cap) went to the celebratory breakfast and then went back to my building for the day's activities.


The first chance they got, two girls in my Division who didn't pass that night, and hadn't been very nice to me during the rest of Boot Camp, came over and asked me, sort of snottily.  "We just want to know, since you are such a slow runner, how you passed and we didn't."   Keep in mind, the entire division was made up almost entirely of babies straight from high school.  I was 25, married and had already lived out in the big bad world, with it's bills and crappy jobs.  I turned around, looked them in the eye and said "I wanted it more than you did."


So here we are, if I want to ride, I have to really, really want it. Because making time in my day to ride means giving up sleep and time spent with my daughter. Some days I will have to get up at 4AM, so I can ride before work.  I will have to get up early on the weekends that my husband closes at his store so that I can ride before he goes to work.  If I want it, I have to really want it.


Here are my motivations.  Between now and July/August, the Navy will be convening it's selection boards to decide who gets to be a Chief (E7, the next rank I need to achieve).  This is the time of year that I call The Circus.  Because it starts in January when we take the exam, then we have to wait to see if we made a high enough score to move on to the second phase. If we make the second phase in March then we have to wait until July/August to find out if we have been selected for the next rank. See?  A big, ugly circus that goes on for months.  On top of this I am now in charge of not just all the enlisted personnel in my depart, but two other divisions within that department.  Yippee! More work. 


Plus I'll be going in to what is called "My Window" in May. It means I can start trying to choose orders, or extend with my current command.  I don't know yet what I am going to do.


So there's all that craziness.  And then there is the goodness, something so great I can't even express how excited I am.  Kim Severson, 4* Eventer, and Olympian is coming to our little Eventing No Man's Land!  She's going to be doing several clinics here. That if nothing else is getting me out there and riding, no matter the weather, or hour of the morning. Yesterday it rained almost all day, after raining most of last week.  Usually I would take a pass on riding, because my pastures become a slippery swamp when it rains that much.  I sucked it up, brushed the mud of the Red Rogue pony and we walked for 30 minutes, doing nothing more strenuous than dressage circles of death, spiraling in and spiraling out again. I really want to ride with Kim.  She has been on my Dream to Ride With list for a long time.  Can't WAIT!


Keep it between the flags everyone!
 

Learning to Live Between the Lines

Can’t believe I’ve left the blog undone for so long.  So let me fill you in on everything that has happened since June.  Well her Majesty, the High Queen tried to kill herself off for the second year in a row.  Last year it was Potomac Horse Fever, this year is was the mystery injury that seriously if it had been any deeper she would be dead.  I found her Majesty not quite right, and her girth line looked weird from a distance so I went out to check on her.  And found, way underneath, where I can’t even imagine how she did it, a massive wound.  So deep I immediately knew it was beyond my skills and called the vet.

Despite the High Queen’s snobbishness she actually is really good about being doctored.  Even with just local anesthetic she stood still as a statue while the vet stitched up the muscle (yes, it was that deep) then the skin.  We left a drain in and I had my marching orders to try and keep her Majesty quiet as possible.  So the boys went out in separate side pastures, and I tried to keep Seneca secured in the run-in-shed. Which worked for exactly three days and then she refused to stay secured.

She’s healed up fine and is back to bossing Cowboy around.  Fox is back to living by himself with nose over the fence privledges.  This because Seneca’s injury was the second nearly life ending injury that has happened when Fox has been in the pasture with other horses.  The first was Cowboy’s infamous skull fracture.   I don’t know if Fox was really involved with Seneca’s injury but I’d rather not take the chance.

My riding has been inconsistent at best.  Life has just been really hectic and I can’t bring myself to ride if I’m the only one home with my daughter.  I keep thinking that if my daughter was napping, and I had a bad accident where I was unconscious who would find her? Who would even know she was in the house?  So I just can’t do it.

And with Superhub’s super awful schedule now I just don’t get to ride a lot anymore. I’m trying to be okay with this. Most of the time it feels like I really don’t have a life anymore.  Or rather I don’t have the life I once did.  From time to time if its not my turn to pick up my daughter from daycare I’ll stop and window shop or stroll through the local tack shop. I get to relive a little bit of the life I used to have.

Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter but I miss my old life or rather parts of my old life.  Retirement from the Navy seems to get further away every year. I chose to add an extra year so that Superhubs could go back to school and dump the retail job.  He’s going to be a Physical Therapy tech which I think is really cool.  We are hoping he can start classes next fall.

So really all my equestrian goals have gone out the window.  I ride when I can but I’ve put showing away for now. What will the new year bring? No idea.

Keep it between the flags everyone!